The Middle School Parent Resource

Is 13 too old to start your child's fascination with Facebook?

Recent research says that over 7.5 milion of Facebook's users are under 13 with nearly 5 million under the age of 10. If Facebook were to lower the age restriction or remove it altogether, how would it affect kids and families? I can see it now, "Here's your child's birth certificate and their facebook login."

Safety is paramount of all activity online and among kids. Interesting legislation now in California regarding the rights of parents and Facebook. Article here: blog.socialshield.com/2011/5/18/california%E2%80%99s-sb-242-and-what-it-could-mean-for-social-networking.aspx

Given the recent appearance of Facebook (founded in 2003) I don't think we have had enough time to consider how to keep kids safe on Facebook. The growth in users has been so rapid, much like cell phones, that I see most of us defaulting to the rule, "Whatever my friends are doing with their kids, must be the thing to do." without knowledge of what Facebook is capable of.

So what's the answer?

Educate, educate, educate. Yes, the internet has its share of malintentioned users, just like every town in America. Yes, there are places we don't take our kids to because of the potential for danger. Avoidance though is different than taking the time to talk to your child about the dangers that exist and equipping him with the tools to remain safe while still finding ways to navigate the world around him.

If the internet were easy to turn on and off we might be having a different discussion. Given the high level of accessibility that we all have (kids included) to the internet and online communication the option to simply avoid it no longer can be considered a valid way of keeping kids safe.

"Can you recommend a good filter?" is the number one question parents ask when I speak at schools. The response, "Yes, any that Google pulls up on their first page of search results; but remember to go out and buy a box of bandaids." Like the bandaid that keeps your child safe from infection, every internet filter is a temporary solution, designed to provide momentary relief. And like many kids do with bandaids, internet filters can be removed. A quick search of "Net Nanny hacks" on Google yielded over 93,000 results--short articles written by kids for kids who want to remove the Net Nanny filter from their computer.

Two ideas: 1. Climb aboard the social media train. Start a profile and learn more about the technology that kids are using today so that you can have a conversation with your child.

2. Set the expectation of what's appropriate and not appropriate when it comes to web site content, Facebook posting, text messages, etc. Kids want to know where the boundaries are and it's their job to to push on those boundaries.

Rachel's Challenge speaks to 15.6 million kids

I remember the Columbine tragedy, and witnessed the news footage, including the funeral for one of the first to die, Rachel Scott.

After meeting the folks behind Rachel's Challenge I sensed we had a connection that would lead toward something amazing for kids and schools. I was encouraged to see a school assembly and soak up the message firsthand.

Yesterday, I witnessed Rachel's Story at Mesa Verde Middle School, told by Adam one of the lead presenters at RachelsChallenge.org. The basic message: Treat other people in the way that you want to be treated. We've heard the words, passed down from generation to generation, parent to child. Yet, when the crowd of nearly 1,000, 7th and 8th grade students was asked, "How many of you wake up every morning focused on treating someone else in the same way you want to be treated?" only a few hands rose to the air.

Learning more about Rachel's story was a treat. The true gift though, was hearing the message, "Create a chain reaction that changes the way people treat each other" and then seeing the students respond with enthusiasm and hope for a future without bullying, harassment, or violence of any kind. A sea of raised hands filled the gym when Adam asked, "How many of you (students) have been bullied or felt unsafe?" Kids see the void and actively acknowledge their enthusiasm for change.

My takeaway: kids want to live in a world where kindness trumps violence and hate.

The challenge: finding the support to become a catalyst for change.

The great news: we are beginning to see kids joining together in support of a common cause. I'm in awe of people like Graeme Taylor for his ability to stand up in support of a teacher who wouldn't tolerate bullying and harassment. I'm inspired by a growing number of schools, like Sweetwater Junior High, that give their kids the ability to create PSAs, furthering the message of kindness.

Thank you Rachel's Challenge for rekindling the fire that inspires my life as a parent, parent educator, and founder of Sprigeo.com.

Single mom asking for advice with 13 yr old son

As a regular contributor, offering the dad's perspective on the USAMomsLikeMe.com site I found this call for advice:

I’m a single mother of a thirteen year old boy. My son is going through a tough stage in his life right now. My son is in a good school and is down because his school has no diversity and other kids make fun of his ethnicity. The other issue my son is going through, is not having his dad around and he is craving male attention. My son’s dad comes around when he wants to. I try to do my best raising my son. I have him in sports, online tutoring, and tell him I love him about one hundred times a day. Some how all the attention and everything I buy and do for my son is not enough. My son wants to stay home and lock him self in his room. He doesn’t want to tell me about his days anymore. He is keeping himself isolated from me.

I will make a make dinner for us after a long day of work and son will say “I’m not hungry mom, sorry”. We have game night on Sunday, my son will say, he’s getting to big for Monopoly!

Is this normal? I’m I doing something wrong? What can I do to make my son be positive and happy?

And my response:

Parenting a 13-year-old is tough enough when there are two parents in the picture. Kudos to you for showing up everyday with a smile and 100% support of your boy. He may not thank you now, but in the years to come he will think of you as the parent who really stepped up when he needed you.

Boys can be challenging at this age. Typical characteristics include: frustration followed by bouts of general dislike for anything a parent has to say. Time with friends trumpts what a parent can offer unless, you're offering money or a ride to the mall.

Consider asking your son what he would like to do this coming weekend. Staying at home isn't an option. Asking the question means you are open to whatever he suggests even if that means that he doesn't want to spend time with you. He will, but it may take some time. Focus on building the relationship that stems from trust and respect. He needs to know that you value what's important in his life.

LaraPiu suggested volunteering. Brilliant idea. Consider your son's interest and then start the hunt for local organizations that could use him. Pets=The Humane Society.  They're always looking for dog walkers. Who knows, this may be something you can do together or he may make a connection with a mentor. Avid Reader=The Local Library. Don't rule out local businesses either; many of which are looking for summer interns where your son could learn about business and find a new mentor.

Although the Scouts can offer kids a fantastic foundation, by the time a boy is 13 he's either been a scout or he is headed in a different direction. Most kids start scouts around age 8. Big Brothers is another wonderful organization that could connect your son with a mentor. Why one question here is, "Does your son choose the mentor or does the mentor choose your son?" At 13, kids want choice. The mentor-mentee relationship can be brilliant when your son finds someone who he really connects with.

A few additional resources for you: A short (11-page) ebook titled, "Saying Goodbye to Sundaes" with ideas on what to do when your child no longer wants to hold your hand or go to get ice cream. www.middleschoolyears.com/pdfs/Saying_Goodbye_To_Sundaes.pdf

Annie Fox is a colleague that has also been working with teens and parents for decades. Here's a link to her question page: www.anniefox.com/parents/ask.html

Best to you Luanna! Your son is counting on you!

Is middle school too early to talk about college?

How soon is too soon to talk about college? Can middle schoolers begin to take steps to prepare for college? What can parents do now to give their kids the option to go to college?

 

5 ways to make it through a busy parenting month

May is busy for you, your child and everyone in your circle. Use the 5-step strategy to make it through the month of May without going crazy.

Additional resources:

http://www.articlespan.com/article/63643/balancing-your-childs-sports-schedule-with-family-life

http://www.baby-first-year.net/reducing-family-stress-your-childs-schedule.html