My seven-year-old says, "I wish I never signed up for baseball" after I tell him about the game schedule this week.
I'm the coach. Cringe.
Ok, he doesn't share this sentiment before every practice. By the end of most games (and pratices) his attitude has changed dramatically. The camaraderie of his teammates changes his perception about the time he spends on the field. Being with friends is fun. His main gripe seems to come from losing out on time with neighborhood friends. The teams this year have kids from all over the city, so with a few exceptions he doesn't know most of his teammates.
Why do I have him participate?
- He learns the value of teamwork.
- His coordination improves.
- Being with the team keeps him out of the house.
- We spend more time together.
- He meets new friends.
A justification for his participation? Perhaps, but considering what I have witnessed during the past twenty years of coaching kids other than my own I needed to check my motivation. I was hoping to avoid some of the more parent-driven reasons for encouraging my son's participation in sports.
The short list of reasons I hope to avoid.
- I was a great athlete. My child might be better than I was. (My ability was average on my best days so I'm safe here.)
- This was my favorite thing to do as a child. He can't help but love it.
- His athletic ability will allow him to stand out. Translation: "I will stand out as the parent of this athletic prodigy."
- This could be the road to a college scholarship. (Not a pervasive attitude at seven, but by the time kids hit middle school some parents are beginning to ask, "Do you think my child has real talent?").
- All of our friends have their kids signed up. If our child participates we (the parents) continue to benefit from the social network.
Ouch! I took extreme examples and painted the most cynical picture possible with the five reasons above. Although the intention behind a parent's motivation usually lacks conscious awareness (I'm doing this so my needs are fulfilled) the result is the same--the child loses out.
Adolescence marks the beginning of a child's search for their identity. Parents guide this journey with greater impact than any other adult in a child's life. Leaving the path open for discovery often leads to some of life's most fulfilling moments for both kids and parents.
